The last time I stood in front of a professional camera and really turned on my best face was for my senior photos in 2006. So this was new and something I had never considered. Also turns out, way different than posing/capturing 'selfie' photographs.
The company I work for, ModCloth, reached out to interested employees from the company to pose for a blog issue that focused on the cuts and styles of featured swimwear we offer on the site. I like my company, I really enjoy and support the world of blog writing, BUT I wasn't crazy about modeling in a bathing suit. I had halfheartedly expressed my interest, with higher hopes that they would have already capped off the needed participants. Not the case. Quickly I had received an excited reply from our Lead ModStylist Emily, and then an opportunity to try on the swimwear prior to the shoot. Ah, OK I guess I'm in this now... I must say, trying the products on prior to the shoot was a game changer. I tried on 3 suits and practiced modeling in the dressing room mirror. As a result, I had a better idea about the photo shoot/blog concept, as well as an abdominal workout from the laughter as a response to my ridiculous mock modeling in front of the mirror. A sprout of confidence grew in my stomach pit, at which point I even felt a surge of excitement. Plus, trying on the swimwear prior helped me with the certain preparations I would have to do prior to the shoot; AKA survey the percentage of hair that would have to be removed from my body.
The objective for the photo shoot was to focus on the details of the swimwear. The vendors of these products are creating their own blog that focuses on the ruching, the straps, the cuts, styles and patterns that make up their flattering swimwear line. I was a bit nervous the days leading up to it, but that anxiety felt normal. Saturday & Sunday served as good days with a bit of chaos and I guess healthy distractions because the next thing I knew Tuesday had arrived and I was in hair and make-up ready to slip into an Esther Williams bathing beauty two-piece with cherries on it. The photographer took my preferred music request, and as the Black Keys jammed in the background, I warmed up to the camera's lens staring straight at me. I eventually got lost in it, and increasingly flirted with the vulnerability of the situation in every flash. The photographer was superb and offered a few tips but allowed it to be mainly constructed of self-directed poses.
Being a customer-facing advocate for the company and actively speaking to our ModGirl world-wide of each size, shape, style preference, generation, etc, got me interested in the idea of really putting myself out there. I'm a ModLady too, and I'm only human.
Like so many of us, I've definitely had my moments of frustration with in my body. Constantly pointing out flaws and nitpicking with no justifications. A vicious cycle of breaking myself down in one area until another "problem area" was discovered to be obsessively criticized. It's been an interesting road and I'm happy that I've moved away from this self-destructive attitude and judgmental point of view. It really wasn't until I actually understood my gratefulness for my exceptional assets; when I did, I started to own them. I'm definitely not at my thinnest, or most in shape, but I'm absolutely at my most comfortable and confident self. This photo shoot served as validation that I didn't even realize I needed. Obviously the energy in the room, the atmosphere created, and the very fact that they got us prepped with hair and make-up helped that butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling dissipate. My overall enjoyment of what was happening was definitely there. I think it showed. It was natural. It was nice even to look at my photos during the shoot. I wasn't dropping my jaw by any means. I wasn't even thinking wow that side is way pretty. I just saw myself and that was really refreshing to have revealed in a photo shoot...a bathing suit nonetheless.
Honestly I predicted I'd be a bit more shy or paranoid about my love handles...my thighs...that bit of arm flab that creates space from your armpit to your actual arm... But I sort of just loved up on all those areas and appreciated them as really cute features that help my posing. I guess watching all those marathon re-runs of 'America's Top Model' really paid off too. Turns out this daunting experience that surged this indecisive paranoia really served me. It confirmed the fact that I have come into my own and it's nice to know that I myself have arrived.
Now for my best shot, along with 3 fellow co-workers~ loving life in their bathing beauties! - ModCloth Blog